My scale and I are feuding--it is mean to me,
Starting with digital numbers that are easier to see.
I have moved that scoundrel all over the room,
Its message is most often doom and gloom.
It knows that number sets the tone for the day
Yet it never tries to have things go my way.
Before I get on it I do logical things
Like remove my hair clips and, of course, my rings.
I never weigh myself coming out of the shower,
Water retention can last well up to an hour.
Moisturizer? Forget it--make-up, too.
We're talking ounces here, my scale has no clue.
When I want a snack, I'll weigh myself before,
To decide if it'll be chips, or from the veggie drawer.
After weeks away my scale will show
How my vacation really did go.
As I get older and my eyes start to fail,
Please don't surprise me with a talking scale!
from Reflections From the Middle Ages
~Ellen Hyner
Starting with digital numbers that are easier to see.
I have moved that scoundrel all over the room,
Its message is most often doom and gloom.
It knows that number sets the tone for the day
Yet it never tries to have things go my way.
Before I get on it I do logical things
Like remove my hair clips and, of course, my rings.
I never weigh myself coming out of the shower,
Water retention can last well up to an hour.
Moisturizer? Forget it--make-up, too.
We're talking ounces here, my scale has no clue.
When I want a snack, I'll weigh myself before,
To decide if it'll be chips, or from the veggie drawer.
After weeks away my scale will show
How my vacation really did go.
As I get older and my eyes start to fail,
Please don't surprise me with a talking scale!
from Reflections From the Middle Ages
~Ellen Hyner
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